Entre la vie

The day had been a veritable maelstrom, a whirlwind of thoughts and emotions that had buffeted my mind with such force that I could scarcely catch my breath. The festivities of Dusty’s birthday weekend had come to an end, yet an unsettling feeling persisted within me. Doubts about my very will to continue living assailed me, for I was soon to meet a person who had stirred up a tempest within me. The disorder extended beyond my internal musings and into my external surroundings. I had just moved to a new place, and the disarray of my belongings mirrored the disarray of my soul. It was as though the whole world was in a state of upheaval, inside and out.

In the midst of this disarray, Dusty proposed a spontaneous trip to the beach, as if to offer respite from the inner turmoil. The setting sun painted the sky in vivid oranges and pinks, and the cool breeze carried the sound of joyous laughter from a group of nearby friends with the promise of peace. Dusty, radiant in my favorite shirt and a bathing suit, seemed to embody the tranquility of the moment. The moment was as though time itself had slowed to a crawl, and for a moment, the chaos of the world fell away.

As we sat in silence, watching the spectacular sunset, the idea of meditation arose. We took turns meditating, allowing one of us to be an audience to the awe-inspiring sight. During my turn, my thoughts turned to metaphysical solipsism – the notion that the only thing that exists is one’s own mind. However, my perspective was not so extreme. The essence of being in this moment, in this place, seemed to me the key to the universe. If we were mere characters in a video game, I mused, our focus would be solely on the task at hand, rather than on the narrative that lay behind it. In this quest for life, all else fades into insignificance, much like the tenets of solipsism. Yet, my beliefs were tempered with a sense of balance, for I knew that it was not merely my own mental state that existed. Rather, I was merely a small part of the vast tapestry of the universe, contributing to its very essence.

As I emerged from my meditative reverie, I glanced at Dusty, who seemed to sense the import of my thoughts. It was as if she too had found solace in the stillness of the moment. Seizing the moment, she began her own meditation, leaving me to contemplate the wondrous sunset.

A sense of sonder crept over me, as I felt the profound realization that each individual, with their own joys and sorrows, was merely a small part of the grand scheme of things. A solitary tear trickled down my cheek, as I reflected upon the simple yet profound nature of life, and how I had chosen to lead a life of simplicity.

Truly, that chaotic day had led me to a moment of profound insight, where the vastness of the universe was encapsulated in a single, solitary moment. And as the last vestiges of the sunset faded away, I knew that I had found my place in the world, that my life was simple, and that was enough.

-Vie (14.August.2022, Venice Beach)